At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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