I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
