I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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