This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
