An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
