Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
