imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
