life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
