the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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