somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was like eating out sand paper
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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