Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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