You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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