I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
