I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
