I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
