i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
