3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
