i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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