By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
