I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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