WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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