guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
