can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
