We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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