An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
