Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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