so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
