I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
