I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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