So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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