We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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