i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
