We named our party play list daddy issues
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
