We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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