I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
