Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
