Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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