u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
