You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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