He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
