i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
