i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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