I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
