We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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