Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Too much gin, very little bucket
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
