I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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