why didn't you poke me back
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
