Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
