The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
