Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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