Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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