what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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