there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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