dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
