i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
