she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
