where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
