you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
