My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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