i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
