we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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