It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
