I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
